Today I wept…..

Tears.  I had them today.  I know they finally had to come….I’ve been so absent from my life.  You know?  Neither here nor there.  Not high, not low.

But today……the dam broke.

I interviewed a lady to come and do domestic work for someone I know.  It’s hard work, big house, live-in position…..she has to leave her family behind (2 daughters)….live alone on this big new property.

The lady, let’s call her H…..H was very keen, wants to start on Monday.  Today is Saturday.  She’s willing to move in tomorrow.

Tomorrow?  That’s good.  Right?  Really?  This lady H, who is 33 years old, is willing to pack all her belongings by tomorrow….bed, blankets, kitchenware, clothing, STUFF…..pack in one day and move here….move onto a new property, in the sticks….no friends, no family, just sommer move.  In one day.

And I cried.

I cried because even though she said this is what she wants, what she’s prepared to do for employment….I KNOW the trauma of moving in one day….the uncertainty and angst with unknown changes…the loneliness (that is, and what will come)…..

I cried for H.  I cried for me.

I have had better days than this one.

 

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “Today I wept…..

  1. Ah Survived……you are such a gem. I wish I could cry openly for myself…..why do I need to cry for someone else….when deep in my heart I know that it’s me….it’s my pain I am projecting onto someone (rightly or wrongly)….. and I need an excuse to weep? 😦

    Like

    • Sometimes when I feel the tears coming I have to stop them….because when they start….I just know that a flood will come, and I will not be seen like that….you know….in a sodden heap…..sigh…..

      Like

      • Exactly. Even though I am alone virtually all of the time, I still worry that somehow, somebody will know. I, too am afraid that if I ever did start crying, I would probably cry myself to death….so, I don’t cry.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Your are lucky to cry, I just can´t. Even when my father passed away it was all without tears. Maybe one day they will come back to me.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s