Mama told me there’d be days like this…

Ah bugger…..I am feeling very weepy this morning.  I can’t pinpoint it….I am not missing Narc, I am in a safe place…..

Maybe…..I am a creature of habit, and I am in a very new space now.

I miss my mother…so very much.

It’s the holiday season, I cannot throw myself into work – I’m in the entertainment industry as an agent and in this country we have very little work booking bands over this time.  We simply don’t do that anymore.  Am I bored, and being to introspective?

I try to keep my thoughts contained, but I find myself remembering all the terrible things I have been through during my decade in the abusive relationship.  Horrible things that still shame me, that I haven’t told anyone.

I’ve taken a tranquiliser.  Whatever it takes to stop me breaking.  Whatever it takes to get me through my weepy days – the days mama told me would come.  But not to stay.

Nothing comes to stay.

 

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4 thoughts on “Mama told me there’d be days like this…

  1. Hey. Sorry about your pain. It is expected though, as you leave.. for me it was like a tsunami of emotions and grief when I left… it comes in waves I guess.. ride one wave and then breathe, and then the next.. it is hard but it can be done. You will not drown, you will make it to better days in the coming year. Hugs and healing thoughts. 💜

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  2. Weepy days will visit often. If you didn’t feel weepy, you would be the same kind of narcissist you are weepy about. Don’t keep your thoughts contained. Tell us. We will understand better than anybody else will…and we will be there to support you…not judge you.

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  3. Survived and Laurel speak the truth. We all have weepy days, I had one yesterday, well, mostly last night. I have learned to sit with the emotions, to try to sit with and observe them, and let myself feel them. I write about them, and then they go….They never last. I’ve learned that numbing them (which I’ve done, with wine….) just buries them to live another day. It comes in waves. And eventually, the seas calm.

    Try to not be shamed by something someone else did, or coerced you into doing. Write about it, and let it go. You’ll probably find out everyone has done something similar. When you’re involved with an abuser, you lose yourself. Now you’re finding yourself. Let your light shine, don’t let the abuser dim it any longer….xo

    Liked by 1 person

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